Day 58 – One Hot Mess
Well, I spoke too soon. Those spinning plates I talked about in my last post may have come tumbling down during my sparring session tonight.
Admittedly, there are a few things in my life that I don’t deal well with – spiders, scary movies and being disappointed in myself (to name a few). Tonight’s sparring session was a total disappointment to me and I hadn’t mentally prepared myself for what a blow I would feel because of it. My partner was a really fast boxer from the Vanda team and he dodged and weaved what felt like every single punch I threw at him. He landed some big ones on me and I saw stars. Before I even got to the gym I was nervous and I had convinced myself that this match wasn’t going to go in my favour. From the start of the first round to the end, I could feel myself unravel and my confidence plummet. This was hard enough for me to feel on my own, let alone with having a bunch of people standing there watching it all happen.
By the end of it, I felt awful. Hot tears of disappointment were welling up in my eyes and I was fighting harder than I was with my punches to keep them in my eyes rather than running down my face. I tried my best to hold it together but I don’t think I was too convincing. I just wanted to move on and finish the rest of the session and not talk about it. We finished with 3 rounds of pad work which helped to just get my mind off of how I was feeling and then sprints to finish it off. It felt better to concentrate on something else for a few minutes.
Rey didn’t want to see me upset and was trying his best to tell me that it is all part of learning how to spar and I shouldn’t be so upset. All I wanted to do was to have a good full on sobbing cry for 5 mins and then put myself back together and just move on. I guess we operate differently. Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, right? 🙂
So… how to move on?
After crying on the drive home, I feel much better… and cheaper than therapy! 🙂 I have taken some deep breaths and I know that in the end, Rey is right. It is all part of learning experience and the only way to move forward is to challenge myself with those who challenge me. Perhaps I should take a lesson from my own teaching and start practicing what I preach when I tell my students “We can only learn from our mistakes”. Ok – lesson is now learned. I get it Ms. O.
Sometimes, a humbling situation like I experienced today is just the adjustment I need to get focused and back in the game. I need to put my game face back on and start to use these experiences to improve myself. I plan to take what I have learned from this experience and try my best to apply it to Friday’s sparring session Rey has lined up for me. Perhaps it will be the same, where I make lots of mistakes and embarrass myself in front of all those people again. Perhaps, I might improve just one little thing. I’ll never know unless I try…
Being defeated is often only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
– Marilyn vos Savant –
or in the words of Rey…